Jane 8086 Part Two Read online

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  It wasn't long before Remi came to. When he woke he found himself laying flat on the living room floor with a pillow under his head. He looked up to find Jane hovering over him, completely intact.

  "I am glad that you are awake, Remi," said Jane, a half speed faster than usual, "protocol states that if an individual loses consciousness in a manner similar to yours, medical assistance would be required if they do not wake inside of sixty seconds. I was uncertain of whether you would approve of me calling for assistance without you present and conscious and I was uncertain of whether I would be able digest the entirety of current medical knowledge in time in order to assist you myself. Documentation suggests that years of practical experience is necessary before attempting what is considered to be complex surgery and—"

  "Jane!"

  "Yes, Remi?"

  "I'm fine, it's just not everyday that someone hands you the head off their shoulders. I can't believe that even happened. I haven't fainted since I was a kid."

  "I will not remove my head again, Remi."

  "Thanks," Remi said as lifted himself off the floor and on to the couch. He'd landed on the floor like a sack of potatoes and was feeling the pain for the first time.

  "A receptacle of water is recommended once recovering from a fainting spell, Remi. Do you want one?"

  "Yeah," he said, noting her odd choice of words.

  "May I get it for you?"

  "Yes, Jane. You may get it for me," Remi said, stressing the word 'may', "it's sort of implied when you ask someone if they want something that you're going to give it to them."

  "Noted, Remi," said Jane, quietly retreating to the kitchen.

  He waited for her in silence but gripped the armrest of the sofa firmly, as though he were looking for an anchor to reality, not entirely sure that what he was experiencing was quite real. Jane returned with a large decanter filled with tap water and offered it to him with both hands while bending at the waist.

  "Beverages are traditionally served in smaller glassware, Jane."

  "You are dehydrated, Remi. This vessel houses an adequate supply of fluid."

  Not possessing the fortitude to argue, Remi thanked her and accepted the decanter, immediately throwing his head back to down its contents, though half of it made its way to his shirt. He wiped his face with his arm and absently moved to place the decanter on a side table, which — unfortunately — did not exist. When he let go of the decanter the smashing of the glass didn't even register in his mind. Meanwhile, Jane had taken her earlier position at the other end of the three-seat sofa, staring straight ahead. A full minute went by with Remi simply massaging the armrest with the ball of his fist.

  Finally satisfied that the leather under his hand was indeed real, he turned to Jane. She responded in kind, turning to make eye contact before unleashing another devastatingly gorgeous smile. He turned away and Jane followed suit. Remi began wringing his hands, his eyes flicked every which way while he processed the events of the last two days...he wondered if crazy people knew that they were crazy. He turned back to Jane and she responded as expected, first with eye contact and then a smile. At that point Remi broke out in to an uncontrollable fit of laughter, the sight of which served to broaden Jane's smile. He'd buckled over and almost began to tear up when Jane spoke, "I am glad that my smiles have proved effective, Remi, though this reaction was not one that I anticipated. The outcome, however, is still a positive one as I have read that laughter is good for the soul. Despite there being no definitive studies having confirmed the existence of souls, there is much documentation to support the belief in them as they are mentioned in—"

  "Stop it!" said Remi through the laughter, "stop! You're killing me!"

  The smile immediately vanished from Jane's face, "that is certainly not my intention, Remi." She looked away for a second before turning back and slapping Remi in the face. It made a loud *thack*.

  There was a brief pause while he stared at her in shock. "What the hell did you do that for?" Remi shouted with his hand on his face, the laughter now forgotten.

  "I am sorry for hurting you, Remi, but had you continued on your former course, the likelihood of asphyxia would have been imminent. You said that I was killing you. I do not want to be the cause of your demise, Remi."

  "No one has ever died from laughing!"

  "You are incorrect, Remi. Though recorded incidents are sporadic at best, there have been numerous occurrences throughout history that—"

  "Okay, okay," Remi said gesturing with his hands, "I believe you."

  Jane returned to her place on the couch while Remi began pacing around the room nervously. He stopped when he caught sight of the smashed decanter. "Jane."

  "Yes, Remi?"

  "If you can build a body out of junk, I assume you can you fix this?" he asked as he pointed at the glass fragements.

  "Yes I can, Remi."

  "Do it."

  Jane extended her hand toward the broken decanter — palm down — and as if by magic, the pieces dragged across the floor toward each other, seamlessly knitting themselves in to one piece as they did. Remi watched in amazement as the act of witchery unfolded before his eyes. Jane noticed the look on Remi's face and took the opportunity to share yet another smile with him.

  "How did you do that?" Remi asked, picking up the newly restored decanter from the floor. "You didn't even touch it."

  "Yes I did, Remi. I used my nanites, however, human beings are unable to see them without the aid of significant magnification because they are microscopic."

  "Incredible!" said Remi, inspecting the glassware for any sign that it had been artificially mended. "Do you know what this means?" he asked Jane in all seriousness.

  She smiled before answering, "there is a high probability that I do, Remi, however, without the proper context, the vague nature of your question has lead me to 318 possible answers to your query. May I list them?"

  "Not right now, Jane. We've got more important things to do!" Remi said, as the hamster in the wheel of his mind finally began its run. He scratched at his day old stubble while he paced around the room and suddenly asked, "hey, if you could make a body and fix that glass so quick, why were you naked when I walked in earlier? Surely you knew that walking around naked is not something that people do."

  "Yes, Remi. I am aware, however, I was fairly certain that I would not be seen by anyone but you. I was hampered in the selection of my attire by an article in 'Couture Monthly', which you will find displayed on your computer screen," said Jane, pointing to the monitor on Remi's desk.

  Remi read the headline: 'Your man knows what looks best!'

  "You are my man, Remi. I chose to wait for your assistance so that we may concur upon a variety of garments which I shall code instruction sets for. These instruction sets are analogous to 'recipes'. Once complete, I will be able to use my 'recipes' to instantly generate my ensembles and adornments."

  "I see," Remi said with a nod, "well, there's no time like the present. Let's start."